08 July 2013

Freudian Slip.

I didn't mention it last time, but I quit the restaurant job.  I won't spend too much time going over that here, but let's just say that I wasn't on the 'favourites' list there, so it ended up being miserable for me.  That and remember when I talked about no longer being introverted and being more extroverted now?  That was a lie!  I just want to hide in a corner for a while, have no one bother me, and leave me to my bowls of pudding and LOST rewatches.

I quit the restaurant before my vacation, and then went away on the tenuous hopes that I would have a new job when I got back.  Good news: I did, and I get to be on my own a lot.  Bad news: It's another job that depends even more on tips than being a server.

I now deliver pizzas.  Not for what I assume is the #1 or probably even #2 chain in Canada, but maybe a solid #4 or #5.  It's great, I get to spend most of my time in my car, listening to music or CBC Radio 1, no constantly looking peppy and so-happy-I-might-piss-glitter.  There are only a couple drawbacks.  I drive a 6-cylinder car, so it uses more gas than a 4-banger would.  And if I don't make any deliveries, I don't get paid.  In my city, pizza delivery drivers aren't paid an hourly wage, by some sort of Evil Plan that all the pizza shops adhere to.  I get a small delivery fee ($3.50), and whatever tips the customer gives me.  All my car costs come out of those small amounts.  Good thing I finally got my car into decent condition. Well, one of the panel strip thingies is falling off the bottom of my driver's door, but I can glue that back on.

So my first night at Pizza Job and who should walk in but one of my Liquor Store regulars, Mike.  It occurs to me that I actually have 3 regulars named Mike that I can think of right now, so at least he'll remain anonymous.  This is a Mike I haven't mentioned before.  He's an older guy, maybe 50s, and he's always super polite and kind, it's what stands out about him.  For all the sexist, ignorant guys that call me baby, honey or sweetheart, Mike's there to make it all better and to remind me that Gentlemen still exist.  He calls all the women 'miss.'  "Hi, miss, how are you?"  "Thank you, miss!"  "Have a good night, miss!"  It's so refreshing and amazing to be spoken to politely and with respect.

As soon as I saw Mike, I went out and waved hello and greeted him.  Then, he spent the next 15 or so minutes gushing about how much he likes me and how awesome I am, and then telling the other employees to be nice to me and to keep me around.  He was very clearly drunk, he'd probably already been to Liquor Store earlier, but that's not a bad thing!  He gave me a big hug, too.  Next time he came in the liquor store, he apologized for being drunk and perhaps maybe gushing a little too much, but it wasn't anything I was worried about.

Since then, things have been okay, if stressful and busy.  We up here in Canada had Canada Day long weekend (bank holiday, for the Brits!).  We had tons of giveaways at the liquor store, lots of sales and lots of business.  I don't think it there were more customers, but they were buying ten times the normal amount, so we went through a lot of 24-packs, free Canada flags, free flip flops, free sunglasses, cooler bags and cowboy hats.  And we got yelled at for not giving away the free thing when you didn't buy the product that the free thing came with.

Normally it's not a big deal, as I've talked about my Drawer of Free Shit before, but this weekend we had very limited supplies of the free swag, and we'd advertised said booty in the newspapers, so we had to have it only for the intended products.  One customer, a lady who's boyfriend and his friends come in a lot, decided that even though she didn't want to buy the 24 of Budweiser, she wanted the cowboy hat that I had to give away.  I should note here that she was wearing one of the coveted things at the moment she was yelling at me.  She probably 'stole' it from her boyfriend, because you know what?  HE BOUGHT THE FUCKING 24 OF BUDWEISER.  She also needed to exclaim her displeasure to the other customers and whine about how much money she spends there (not that much, comparatively).

Classy.

Speaking of classy, the one thing my car really needs, in order to be perfect for delivery driving, is a bucket and a pee funnel.  I still have my Go-Go-Go-Run-Your-Ass-Off tendency from serving and bartending jobs, and also considering that when it's 40° C outside, I'm going to be drinking a lot to keep hydrated, I tend to get hit with the sudden oh-my-god-I'm-going-to-pee-a-new-Great-Lake needs.  Asking to go pee at the customer's house is kind of a no-no.

So far, I haven't had any naked people open the doors, no nudists of exhibitionists drawing me into their fetishes, and only one wrong address.  Turns out the guy thought he was #4 in a 4-plex, and he was #2.  How does that even happen?  Dude wasn't even home, it was his roommates who ordered, but somehow (auto-complete from last order?), his was the phone number listed, so when I called, he didn't know what to tell me.  I asked neighbors, double checked my map, phoned the store... In the end, he came home and we found the right place, with only maybe a 15 minute delay.  Still tipped me, too.

The best thing, though, to happen at the new job - besides being so awesome I get offered a 'real' job as a store supervisor.  Had to turn it down because I can't touch flour or I get a nasty painful rash - was tonight.  I started reading A Short History of Nearly Everything by Bill Bryson recently.  In my down time tonight, I was reading it in the store, because it's awesome and since I don't get paid hourly, I don't have to do shit if I'm not on a delivery.

So the pizza-making guy tonight, a guy I'm going to call Rufio for purely my own reasons, asked me about my book.  I told him a bit about it, how it starts off with the Big Bang and moves forward to the formation of galaxies and solar systems.  He seemed interested, and wanted to ask more about what it said, but what he said was, 'What does it say about The Gang Bang?'

I guess I know what kind of porn he watches.

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