28 January 2013

You Either 'Get it', or You Don't.

I love my regular customers.  Well, some of them.  What makes you an awesome regular that I'll like, as opposed to a regular that makes me instantly clamp down on any 'nice girl' instincts I may have and turn into Polar Ice Bitch of the North?  Examine, if you will, these examples from the liquor store.

Exhibit A: Willie. Whenever he walks in the door, I automatically do this:

22 January 2013

In Your Endo.

My first job was an A&W.  That’s a lie, sorry.  My actual first job was at a clothing store, but I was only there for the summer, and I was only 13, so it barely counts.  My first real job was A&W, and I was a couple months from turning 16.  I was also, shall we say, shy and innocent.  I had, ehm, a sheltered childhood that did not allow much TV or music to sway me towards a ‘secular’ lifestyle.   Without going into too much detail, let’s just say I wouldn’t have recognized a dirty joke if it came up and turkey-slapped me.

08 January 2013

Thankfully, they stopped manufacturing Twinkies.

I am a fat ho.  Indeed.  I am possessed of the qualities necessary both for ho-ery and for being considered of an above average body mass index.  Or, at least the little blond, talking Twinkie that came in my liquor store would have you believe.

One of my biggest flaws is that I tend to assume that people will have 'common sense', an ideal that can only be described as a misnomer.  If I planned on engaging in some sort of Government-controlled, or dangerous activity, such as learning to fire a gun of some kind, I would be sure to do a little research first and find out the laws surrounding such a practice.  Am I allowed to carry a gun in my pocket, for example, or do I need to wear a certain type of thigh holster advertising my penchant for shooting small projectiles at people using tiny explosions?