The Most Action I've Had in Months.

At my liquor store, we love dogs.  We have a can of cookies under the counter that a lot of the dogs know about and will head straight for when they come in.  We might as well be called The Cookie Store.  Most of them are wonderful dogs, and I place the same rules upon them as I do upon people: If you're going to be in the store, don't knock over the bottles and don't pee on anything.

This is Buck:

He's adorable.


He comes in with his human and always sits for his cookie and takes it very gentle.  Last night he came in and I was petting him and giving him cookies and he sneezed.  On my face.

You ever have a moment when you think something and your brain-to-mouth filter doesn't happen, or maybe you're the type that doesn't mind occasionally saying the random thing that might be embarrassing, but will also be funny, so your scumbag brain doesn't stop your tongue?  You start speaking and the parts of your brain not consumed with forming words thinks quietly to itself in the corner, 'I should stop this, this is going to be really bad when it's done being said, she won't thank me one bit, nope! Alas, it seems I have no power over the speech-centres!  Woe is me!'

That's why I actually ended up saying, 'That's the second time today I've had someone else's bodily fluids in my mouth.'

The sound of crickets would've been unbearably loud in the following seconds of silence.  Poor New Guy, he's young and can get a little embarrassed easily, especially when we talk about penises.  Buck's human, Aaron, was a little dumbfounded, too, but managed to ask the question burning everyone's mind.

"What was the first time?"

"Oh, I was at my other job and I went to turn and go into the kitchen.  I must've been smiling or half-yawning, so my mouth was open slightly.  The Food and Bev Manager was facing me and for some reason she decided to take that moment to stick her tongue out and blow a raspberry at me.  A tiny globule of her spit landed right in my mouth.'

Not quite the answer they were thinking about, in that it didn't contain blowjobs, but it did contain girl-on-girl action, so they weren't too disappointed.  They both looked a little uncomfortable as they tried not to do or say anything that might cause me even more embarrassment, which was very gracious of them.  Most other guys would've taken that as a free pass to make all kinds of lewd jokes.  Not that I mind, clearly, but sometimes it does depend on the person.

There's a fine, fine line between it being okay to make a sex joke and it being not okay to make a sex joke, and that line is different for everyone.  Mostly, I think, it's the attitude in which the joke is said, and whether or not you put off a vibe of genuinely being a pervy, misogynistic ass-waffle or not.

Today's lesson: Don't be a pervy, misogynistic ass-waffle.