I'm Never Shopping Here Again!!

I’ve been threatened at work more times than I can remember.  Some customer will come in and find that something isn’t the way they want it and throw those utterly horrifying words at me:

“I’m never shopping here again!”

The funny thing is that that phrase is never mentioned when it’s deserved.  Well, actually, I’m not sure.  I’ve never been around for or created one of those situations, so I’m not sure if they’ve ever been said appropriately or not.

So one night this trio comes in, consisting of one guy and two ladies, one of whom seems like she’s had a few.  The other two seemed fine, and all three of them are chattering away really loudly.   I’m used to that, I usually just stand back and watch things unfold.  I do have a little bit of wiggle room in what I can deem as ‘too intoxicated’ to be sold more liquor, just like in a bar.  Normally, if you can stand up properly, walk without stumbling or weaving, find your own booze, not knock anything over and not slur your speech, and provided you’re not being a belligerent asshole, I will still sell to you.  Sometimes, I genuinely can’t tell if people are drunk or not, as they can handle their liquor quite well.  This is where being nice to the cashier comes in.

So these people, they grab some stuff, ask tons of questions and repeat themselves, interrupt me a lot, ask the same questions again and wander back and forth through the store a lot.  I think the one lady asked me the difference between regular Guinness and Guinness Extra Stout about 4 times.  The funny thing was, these weren’t 20 year olds, and they weren’t teenagers.  I swear to god, these people were over 60, retired folk.  It was baffling!  Acting like drunken 16 year olds after having one cooler!  Then, the guy came up to the counter and says, ‘I bet you just love it when drunk folks like us come in!’

‘Weellll, not really.  It puts pressure on me because I’m not supposed to sell to drunk people, so just pretend you’re sober for me and it’s all good.’

Well.  He looked like I’d just told him his mother sucked dick to buy his dad a hooker.  The two ladies were getting louder and more demanding in that way that only drunk people can be, especially when you’re not drunk and carousing alongside them.  The guy managed to herd the ladies to the till, they paid and headed to the door.  As they were headed out, the man turns back to me and said, ‘I’m pretty sure we’ll never darken your door again!’

Cue thunder crash and DUN-DUN-DUN!

Of course, I saw them again a few weeks later.  Same situation, except they were acting much less drunk, more polite and everything was fine.  The man has been back a few times since, too, on his own, and everything’s always been fine and polite and friendly.

Last night, a man I’d never seen came in.  He wandered only briefly and then came up to the till with a micky of Southern Comfort.  I tell him the price, he pays and then he havers.  Stands there a moment, and then wanders back to the shelf.  I know exactly what he’s going to say.  I almost give him the answer before he starts his bitching, but I waited.

‘The price tag said [lower price]!’

‘Yep, that’s without tax and deposit.  If you look at the tag and see the grey square, that’s the final price including tax and deposit.’

‘Well that’s just silly!  You should just put the final price.’

 ‘The manager, she used to, but other people complained – ‘

 ‘What other people?!’

 ‘I don’t know, just people – ‘

 ‘That’s just dumb.’

 ‘Sir, I don’t make the tags – ‘

 ‘I know you don’t, you don’t have to defend her.’

At this point, I just stopped and didn’t say anything else.  I wasn’t going to get into an argument with this prick.  He was clearly just spoiling for a fight.  Maybe he feels better about himself when he can pick on cashiers, or maybe he thinks the whole world revolves around his own preferences and desires, and feels justified in snapping at people who won’t conform.  Whatever.

He left, and he was physically outside the store when he turned back and yelled at me through the plate glass, ‘I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN!!’  I tossed back my head and laughed.

That phrase has never been a threat, it’s been a welcome relief that I’ll never have to deal with your stupid face again.  Likely, if you’re the type to yell that at someone in a store, then you’re not the type of person they want there anyways.  Yes, we want customers, we want that loyalty, but we don’t want assholes.  I’ve already got one perfectly functional asshole, I don’t need another.  We want your business and we want your friendship, because we wouldn’t exist without you, but we’re people, too!  Personally, I’d rather have an equal relationship where customer and clerk treat the other just like they’re regular people, mutual respect and happiness all around.

I have countless regular customers who I know by name and would happily stop and talk to on the street, or have a drink with if I spotted them out somewhere.  Most people are nice because they do recognize that it’s a two way relationship.

Kind of like this guy from the bartending job.  Last week, he was part of a large group of people who came to eat in my section.  Everything was fine, and their food was timely and well-made.  It wasn’t too busy, so I could attend to them sufficiently.  Then, they all left and proceeded to tip me 3%.  Three.  The rest of the day before that had been tough, and so a 3% tip was a smack in the self-esteem.  However, one of the guys came back a week later and apologized profusely.  He’d forgotten to leave a tip on the table, he explained, and then handed it to me.  It was very nice of him, and in a way unnecessary.  He didn’t need to keep an eye out for the next time he spotted me, but he had.  Even though it still left the tip under 10%, it was the thought that counted and made me happy.

On a good note, the current bartending job mentioned just above is ending this week.  My last day there is in a couple days, and then I move to a new place where I will hopefully be able to do some actual bartending.  The old place, it was more button-pushing and bottle opening rather than true bartending, let alone ‘mixology.’  To me, there are different degrees of ‘bartending’, much like there are different degrees of being a cook.  You can be a line cook (button pushing bartending), work in a bit more of an upscale place, a mid-range restaurant or pub (mix a few simple cocktails and highballs, a regular ‘bartender’), or you can work in a 5-star restaurant with a chef who creates his or her own unique dishes and recipes (a Mixologist).  I think of myself as more of a mixologist, and the current bartending job doesn’t really let me create or experiment at all.  The new job will, at least a bit.  I should have some more freedom to do unique things, or make some real classic cocktails - like Manhattans, Old Fashioneds, Mint Juleps, Sazeracs, maybe a Whiskey Sour or a Caipirinha here and there.  The new place is a meat smokehouse and bar, and it opens this coming weekend!  Wish me luck!