24 April 2013

If You're Going to be a Perverted Twat, at Least Tip Your Server.

To start this entry off, I'd like to state that I want to keep my specific job locations anonymous.  The things I say on here could, potentially, reflect on my places of employment in a manner that could offend certain customers.  So, if you do happen to know exactly where I work, please keep that and all specifically identifying details in private.  Thanks!  The reasons for me stating this should become apparent, but I intend to discuss some issues that are rather sensitive.  With that said, Lay on, McDuff.

Monday night I was bartending, and since the lounge server didn't come in, I was taking care of all the tables, too.  Totally doable, as Monday nights aren't too busy and because I can multi-task like a mofo.  Efficient is my middle name.  The Fat 'Efficient' Ho... Hah.


I had a few guys at the bar, some on the VLTs, and a few tables.  A group of three guys comes in, takes a table.  They were trades workers of some sort, one guy was wearing high-vis gear, so they did some sort of job like construction or whatever.  In case you didn't know, I kinda have a filthy mind and an equally filthy mouth at times.  Side-effect of my job, you can say a lot of stuff to me and it'll just roll off because I can almost guarantee you, I've heard worse.  Like in one of my previous posts where I mentioned that 'menstrual blood' incident.  I don't give a fuck.


These three guys are just chillin', they all got simple meals, but the one of them was drinking triple vodkas.  At one point, I overheard one of them say, 'Ask her next time she comes around,' so naturally my head came up and I looked over.  They waved me over, so I approached.

Me: What can I do for you?
Guy1: Have you ever had a condom fall off and get stuck in your vagina?
Me: ... Nope.
Guy1: But if you had, wouldn't you agree that it meant the guy had a small dick?
Me: Not necessarily.  If you had a really big dick, but too small a condom, it could happen, too.  Or a normal sized dick and too-big a condom, really it could happen and get it all shoved up in there, and that would mean a trip to the emergency room.
Guy1: So you've not got one stuck up there now?  Because that happened to him (points to Guy3), and we think that means he has a small dick.
Me: Not as far as I'm aware, it's never happened to me.

I realized they were just trying to make fun of their friend, but really.  What the hell makes you think it's okay to ask a woman you've never met a question like that?  But, like I said, I don't give a fuck, unless I don't know you and you decide to call me sweetie, honey, babe or some shit like that.  Which, naturally, Guy1 did.  Guy2 was kind of silent throughout this.  Guy3 just looked embarrassed.  Also, naturally, Guy1 was the one drinking the triple vodkas.  I do pick my battles, and since I may not (hopefully not) see those three guys again, I didn't bother bitching about the pet names.


Note: I don't work at Red Lobster.


I went about my night, served people with my normal flair and attention.  A couple 18/19 year old guys came in and had a booth, and they were fairly friendly so I chatted them up a bit.  They asked if I was the owner and I chuckled.  I asked what made them think that, and the one responded that it seemed like I knew everything, which made me chuckle again.  I said no, that I just have to know as much as possible because our type of restaurant is rather new to my city, it's the first one of its kind, so no one knows what to expect.  That makes it my job to explain things to the guest because then they end up enjoying themselves a lot more.  These guys were quite happy with their meal and tipped well.

My table of the other guys decides they're done.  They've stayed late enough that the kitchen has closed and they have their take-out meal for their buddy who couldn't make it.  Altogether, their tab came to almost $100.  They left a pile of bills and change on the table, said their goodbyes and headed out.  I went to clean the table, and counted the money to make sure it was enough.  It was barely enough.  I'm talking, on a $100 bill, they tipped me $3.

Now.  I'm not one for 'tip-shaming.'  I don't want to humiliate anyone, which is part of my reason for stating my desire for job-related anonymity at the beginning.  I also realize that many people, perhaps even the majority, don't understand how tipping and wages in the restaurant industry works.  Allow me to shed some light.

In the US and Canada, servers make less than minimum wage.  In the US it's a lot lower, like close to $3 an hour, so they definitely make no money other than what you tip them.  In Canada, it's between $8 - $9 an hour, when minimum wage is almost $10.  Not as bad, but it still makes it a little hard to survive sometimes.  Thankfully, my serving/bartending job is my second job, so I'm not going to miss my rent (I hope) if someone doesn't tip me.  Many aren't so lucky.  I believe there is a law stating that if a server doesn't make enough tips to bring their average wage up to at least minimum, that the employer is responsible for paying the server the difference to bring their wage to minimum.  I'm not sure, though, if that applies in Canada, or that's just the US.

So, where I work, I get paid less than minimum wage and have to endure rude questions about the overall health and state of my cooter.  It gets worse.

In most restaurants, at least where I am, the servers have to tip out a percentage of their gross total sales to the kitchen and their support staff.  Support staff can include porters, bussers, hostesses and food runners, on top of the bartenders, cooks and dishwashers.  That's a percentage of total sales, not a percentage of total tips received.  So yes, that means if you tip me nothing, I have to pay the kitchen out of my own pocket for the 'pleasure' of serving you.  This is fairly standard across most restaurants, though the percentage that the server has to tip out can vary.  It's usually between 2-5%. Where I work, it's 5%.

What all this means is for that table of three guys who asked me about my vadge, who tipped me $3 on a $100 tab, I ended up having to pay $2 out of my own money to the kitchen.  This, to quote several people to whom I have already explained this, is bullshit.  There's little or nothing you can do about it.  There's absolutely nothing that I can do about it.  There is all sorts of injustices going on with this situation, but this is what the serving industry has evolved into.

Here is a clip from the movie Cloud Atlas.  If you haven't seen that movie, don't watch beyond the 3 minute mark because it gets a little spoilery. I definitely recommend you see it, for its own merit.  It's a 'pay attention' type, but it's very much worth it.  I'm not trying to say that my job is as bad as that, because it's definitely not, but some days can make you feel like it.

I once read a comment on another website that was a response to a question something like, 'Sex workers, what is your job like and how does it compare to other 'normal' jobs?'  I can't remember the exact phrasing of the question, but one of the answers stuck with me.  The comment was posted by a woman who had been a sex worker and who had also had 'normal' jobs in retail.  She said words to the effect of 'There are days I go home from my job and cry.  There are days where my customers make me feel like an inhuman robot with no feelings, no worth and no purpose other than to serve them.  I've burst into tears at work before, and my customers have occasionally been some of the most cruel people I've ever encountered. In case you hadn't guessed, I'm not talking about my sex job.'

So, now you're wondering, how the hell am I supposed to tip my server?  This is bullshit, I don't want to feel obligated to tip!  What if the food is shitty, but service is good, or vice versa?  Well, short of starting a massive petition to the government of each province or state to enact laws that state minimum wage for tip-earners be the same as non-tip earners, I don't think this will change.  Profit margins in the restaurant industry can be very narrow, and business owners will do anything, like making a decent wage for the serving staff the customer's responsibility instead of their own, to get ahead.

If you don't want to tip, by all means, don't. But, and I can't speak for everyone here, your serving staff will remember you, especially if you're a repeat customer.  They will remember that you don't tip, which in essence means you don't make it worth taking extra time for, and they will not do anything above the bare minimum for you.  They're making the bare minimum wage, so they will not go above and beyond when you will not.  I've been in that situation, and after several months I realized that this one couple wasn't going to tip me no matter what I did, and so I just gave up.  Got them their food, checked on it, and that was that.  If something had been wrong, I would've fixed it, but I wouldn't have cared or done it enthusiastically.

If your food is shitty, by all means, talk to a manager.  If your server cares, offers to replace things, is always there for drink refills, smiles and does his/her best (within the realm of however busy the restaurant is at the time), please still tip them.  If the food is awesome, but the service is shitty, feel free to leave a 5% tip, because the kitchen will still get their tip.  Or, if your server is really bad - and by that, I mean, they don't care about problems, they actively insult you or are really rude, your food is wrong or missing, or bad and they do nothing to fix it, or if you simply don't see them at all and they disappear - feel free to leave no tip.  I can't guarantee the server will see it as punishment for being a shitty server, so unless you leave a note or talk to management, the server will most certainly think you're just an asshole.  You could leave no tip on the table, talk to a manager and give a tip for the kitchen directly to that manager; However, I can't guarantee the morals of every single place, so this is just a guideline.

If everything is great, from the hostess, to the server, drinks and food, then not only have you stumbled upon perhaps a superb restaurant, or perhaps the right combination of staff members who respect and appreciate each other and their jobs, but you've also been given a chance to interact with the staff in a way that says you realize they are a person, too, not a robot.  I've had very dehumanizing jobs in the past, as that quote from the former sex worker described.  I've also had jobs where the other staff and the customers make me feel so happy and help me enjoy my job so much that I couldn't think of leaving them because I'd worry that they'd miss me.

There are times when I know I've fucked up and that perhaps not being tipped is justified, especially when I was a new server and bartender.  Learning how to handle the volume of orders and drinks can be very hard, and some people don't do well.  There have been times when I've let some issues get in my way of being happy and being able to present a smiling face to my guests, and I won't try to excuse that, even if there are reasons why.  But there are also times when I know I've done everything right, that the food and drink was fine, and still no tip is forthcoming.  Those, I think, are the hardest to deal with.  Well, at least I haven't had someone leave me one of those fake twenties, or something, that looks like a real one until you turn it over and then it's a missionary tract trying to save my soul for Jesus, or something silly like that.  They do exist, but thankfully I haven't had to find one yet.  I have, however, been told by my manager that she has received a lot of compliments about my table-side manner, and that people really appreciate having me explain everything.  'Rave reviews' was the phrase she used, I think.  It makes me feel good to know that at least I don't suck ass and I'm oblivious to it.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go punch a fuckload of wood in the hopes that I haven't just jinxed myself and will not find one of those accurséd things on a table tomorrow.

Thanks and have a great day, hopefully we'll see you again soon! :D :D

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